Firefighter, Mike Herdman FOUND DEAD 6-27-14

This is definitely NOT the outcome I had hoped for. I'm still confused, too many questions unanswered. 

A Search and Rescue helicopter pilot was flying over a mountain top, in the Los Padres National Forest and spotted something (a different color from the rest of the landscape). As he got closer, he found it to be, a human body. 

Where he was found was 1,200 feet higher in elevation, from where he had left camp. It appears that he had fallen to his death. He was shirtless and without shoes. If he was searching for his dog the night he ran off, why would he climb to an elevation 1,200 feet higher? Barefoot? At night? Wouldn't he have gone back to camp and put his shoes on to continue the search? Maybe he got lost and wanted to get to higher ground? For the rescuers to see him? For him to see his campsite? 

An autopsy, to determine cause of death, is being performed as I type. A toxicology test is also being done, but results won't be available for several weeks. Will there be any other results that point toward a murder? DNA under his nails? Blunt force trauma to the head, NOT caused from a fall? A gunshot wound? A stab wound? Did he have bruises on him? If you are already dead, you don't bruise. OR will they find nothing out of the ordinary? How long has he been dead? A day or 14 days? 

Whatever they discover, whatever the results are, I am heartbroken for him, his family, his friends, his coworkers and his dog. I hope the family gets closure one way or another.

Rest In Peace Michael Herdman, not the results anyone was hoping for!!

Missing Firefighter.....Murder Or Accident?

I'm consumed with the story of the missing Arcadia, CA firefighter from Dana Point, CA. His name is Mike Herdman. He went missing on June 13, 2014, while out on a hiking trip with a fellow firefighter named Taylor Byars. This (supposedly) started out to be a hiking trip, with just the two FF and Mike's dog, Duke. They were to hike far out (12 miles) into the Los Padres National Forest and would be gone for 4 days.

This is the supposed story of what happened, according to Taylor Byars. After two days of hiking, Mike's dog ran off from camp, in the evening. The two FF's ran after him. Mike was barefoot, and only in shorts and a t-shirt. The two separated and Taylor came back to camp. He searched for Mike until morning when he decided to hike back for some help. He left Mike's backpack and some food for him in case he returned. He claims that he became lost for a day before finding his way and ran into two fishermen that called for help.

Now, they have been searching for Mike for 7 days and he has been missing for 9. Ventura County Sheriff Search and Rescue, along with multiple other S & R departments and other agencies joined in the search. On Wed. the 18th and Thu the 19th, there were sightings of his dog, Duke. Rescuers caught Duke on Thu. and as they were securing him, he got away. Today, Jun 22nd, they caught him. He was exhausted, hungry and dirty but otherwise fine. They found him 12 miles from where he ran off and back at the parking lot, from where the hike started! How on earth? Probably Mike's scent? Maybe, maybe not. Today, they have announced that they are scaling back on the search, with less rescuers on the ground.

We have been watching this on the news for a solid week. The Search and Rescue find it very odd that there have been no sightings, clues or any evidence of Mike, only footprints and his dog. Has he been injured and can't move? If so, they surely would have come across him or some clues! Nothing, not one single thing. Only his dog. What could have possibly happened?



I, myself, am very skeptical of this story, as does it seem, that everyone else on the Internet is. The S&R has held many news conferences stating that they DO NOT suspect foul play. WHY?

I suspect the friend, Taylor Byars has something to do with it. Here are a few of my thoughts.........

Is Taylor having an affair with Mike's wife? Did Mike even go hiking with Taylor? Taylor may have wanted to get Mike out of the picture. So maybe they planned a hiking trip and everyone knew where they were going. They knew how long they would be gone and packed accordingly and left. Maybe Taylor didn't go there, maybe he went somewhere else and killed Mike. Maybe he disposed of Mike's body somewhere else, like the Angeles National Forest. Somewhere that many people get dumped and no one EVER  finds them. He took Mike's backpack, his dog and his "shoes." Then he drove to the site, with Duke in the car, to where they were supposed to go hiking. He parked and took Duke hiking, 12 miles out.

He then, took Mike's shoes and made some footprints and let Duke loose. He slept that night and stayed there the next day also, when he was supposedly lost for a day. He then started his trek back to the parking lot where they started. Why did he claim that Mike left the campsite chasing Duke, with no shoes, and just a t shirt and shorts? To make it seem more likely that he couldn't survive for very long? When he reached the fishermen and the fishermen called for help, why didn't Taylor call for help? If  the fishermen got a signal, why didn't Taylor? Did Taylor not want Mike's body found because it would show the cause of death?

Why haven't they had, not one sign or clue of him being there, besides footprints? Why did Duke show up at the parking lot, 12 miles away from where he got loose? Did he follow his own scent? Or the scent of Taylor?

OR, there is always this point of view.......Did Taylor push Mike over a cliff to make it look like an accident, just in case they did find him? Wouldn't they have found him by now? Maybe something happened to Mike by accident and Taylor doesn't want to admit it, in fear that he could be charged with something?

Whatever the outcome, I feel bad for Mike's family, friends and colleagues. If Taylor is innocent and had nothing to do with it, I feel bad for him too. I just want him found. This is a very sad story all the way around.

Poor Choices....Part 2

So the dates aren't quite clear, but I think my mother remarried another piece of shit around April 1960 or April 1961. Hardly enough time for her to heal or grow, in between marriages. I understand the feeling of being insecure or even thinking that you can't make it on your own, but...... As I said, first time a mistake, next time a poor choice!

His name was Benny Allen Kirkland (aka Ben Kirkland). He was 10 years younger than my mom and was an acquaintance of my father Fred William Kendall. (aka Bill or Fred Kendall). At first, he seemed to genuinely want to be a family and provide for his "new" family, which consisted of me, my sister Diana and my mom Kay Kirkland. We went on outings to the L.A. Zoo, etc and it seemed that we would have a somewhat normal life. I don't remember too much from back then, as I was only a small toddler, maybe 2-3 yrs old. What I do remember is due to pictures that my mom had taken of us together. Below, I was 4 years old and my sister Diana was 6 1/2 years old. So that would make Ben 22 years old and my mother would've been 32, almost 33.

I think I was around 4 years old, which is my earliest recollection, of anything that was not normal or that made me feel uncomfortable. Ben always liked tickling us and was tickling my mother. She fell backwards and hit her head on our fireplace. She flinched, grabbed her head and almost started to cry. I'll never forget the feeling of helplessness that I felt, to see my mom hurt. He yelled at her for bumping her head and almost crying. I didn't understand why he did that, but as I look back now, he probably didn't want her showing any emotions. I then got mad at him and I got into trouble.

Through my adult years of counseling, my counselor wanted me to think back as far as I could and try to remember, my earliest recollection, of a time that I felt I needed to protect my mother. This time popped into my head quickly. This incident turned into one of the reasons that I was always very protective of her. This has gone on throughout my whole life. I grew into that role, the strong one, the protector, all the while, my own needs and feelings were being tucked away, deep inside for no one to hurt.

Ben was always very strict and was not a fun or nice guy to be around. He wanted things done his way and he was very controlling. He didn't beat us, but he did spank us for ridiculous stuff, stuff that was normal kid stuff.

He was also VERY emotionally and verbally abusive, especially to our mom. Another reason, I grew to be very protective of her. He would yell at us and her all the time. We couldn't do anything right. How she was married to him for 20+ years is beyond me. Even after they separated and divorced, they still saw each other and he stayed with her at times. Another blog and another time for all of this.

So was this still a mistake or by now, a choice? I say choice and a very bad one at that!!

Poor choices

How far do loved ones go in hurting others, in their journey to find happiness? Where is the line drawn? Does it matter?

Our mother crossed the line (in my opinion) to find her happiness or what she thought was her happiness. She chose what she was used to, rather than what was best for her and her children. People make poor choices all the time, but common sense is common sense, no matter what you are used to. Make a mistake the first time, okay it's a mistake. Make the same mistake again, that's not a mistake, that's a choice. Does it matter? Hell yes it does. It's the difference between your children having a happy, successful life OR a life of hate, distrust, pain and misery.

I understand her first choice to marry a young, handsome man serving in the Army. He was stationed in Japan, during the Korean war and immediately swept her off her feet. They met while she worked at the PX. Against my grandparents wishes, she married Fred William Kendall. He left to come back home to the US, while she got things in order to come here to live a happy American life with my dad. So she thought!

She had to take the 2 week boat trip to the US by herself. When she arrived, he was no where to be found. Here she is, in a foreign country, left her family and all of her loved ones, to come here to be with the man of her dreams!! So much for that, this was the first sign that she should have listened to her parents. He didn't have a house, a good paying job, (in fact he had no job at all) or anything that he told her, he had. This was the beginning of a 5 year hell for her and me and my older sister, Diana.

He was a party animal, loved his alcohol and cigarettes!! He was a very popular man, nice looking, knew many Hollywood figures and was a womanizer. He took her to Hollywood parties where they danced the evenings away. They were quite the lookers and she enjoyed all the fun and attention!!

The abuse started shortly after arriving here in the U.S. in 1953. It always revolved around money or the lack of. My sister was born in Aug. 1955 and I, in Jan. 1958. My mother was offered a job as a waitress from a Chinese lady. She had seen her pushing us in a stroller and started asking her questions. Soon, my mother was earning some much needed money for food and rent. As she worked, my father was watching us. When my mother would come home from work, expecting to find him watching us, she would find us with a babysitter. The babysitter would need to be paid, so she paid with her tip money. My father would come home late, drunk and very abusive. He would riffle through the clothes, hanging in the closet to find her tip money. She had hidden this money from him to buy groceries and milk for my sister and I. She would go out to his car and would find empty, used McDonald's wrappers thrown behind the seat. The straw had lipstick on it and she then knew that he was secretly dating someone.

After time had passed, she found out who this "other" woman was. She walked and walked with my sister and myself in the stroller. She stood on a corner and could see the house of his mistress. There was our car, parked out front!! On the corner, there was a phone booth. She called her house and her mother answered. Mrs. Johnson was her name. My mother asked for my father and she calmly said that he wasn't there! My mother could see his car parked out in the front of her house and then she soon saw my father running out of her house to jump in his car to go home.

The mistress........Carol Johnson, now known as Carol McClure was her name, she was 16 and she was pregnant by my father. Is this why Mrs. Johnson was lying for my father? To protect the man of her future grandchild? Yes, my dad was going to father a child with a 16 year old child, although we had no food or money or anything!! My mother shared a Chef Boyardee boxed pizza with her best friend, Pat Guthrie and her two kids. There were 2 adults and 4 children sharing one box of Chef Boyardee pizza. What a piece of shit!! The little tip money that my mother made went to taking Carol to the movies and to McDonald's. Yes he was a womanizer alright! What kind of mother would let her 16 year old daughter sleep with a married man? Better yet, if she didn't know, why would she let her "minor" child date a married man? Trash, I tell you!

Soon after "the" incident, my mother and father divorced. He then married Carol and had to have her mothers consent! You wonder why my mother hadn't divorced him sooner? Japanese did not believe in divorce, it meant you failed in life. That in addition to, her parents trying to dissuade her from marrying him, she couldn't admit her failures. Also, she had no means to support herself and two kids. He had no job and therefore no money to give her for child support. Where to go, what to do, how to survive?

To be continued..........

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Fathers Day to my dad! 

Feb. 4, 1933 - May 22, 1992

RIP

You weren't the best, but you did your best!