A Broken Household!

It was the beginning of 1969, when I changed schools again for the second time, in less than two years. It was the middle of 5th grade and now I was attending Crenshaw Elementary School in Torrance. I finished out the 5th grade at that new school. I made new friends and had a very best friend named Lori Thurber. She lived on our street and we spent the night at each others house all the time.

During the summer following 5th grade, something was different and weird in our house. My mom and Ben were not talking to each other and he wasn't there much. He stayed out late and maybe never came home at night or until early morning. When she would cook dinner and serve it to him, without saying a word, he would get up and dump all the food into the trash can. She wouldn't say a word to him. I had no idea what was going on, but it was scary and weird.

Before I knew it, we were moving again, after living there for only about 7 months!! This time with only me, my sister and mom! We moved about 1-2 miles away, still in Torrance, but on 170th street, directly across from Carr Elementary School. This is where I began the 6th grade. We were happy in our new apartment, even though it was only a one bedroom. The room was big enough to fit a full size bed for my mom and two twin beds for me and my sister. No more walking on eggshells, no more arguing, no more sexual molestation by Ben, we were doing good. I was adjusting to my school and meeting new friends, once again. My sister was attending North High school (9th grade) and everything was going smoothly, until we started seeing Ben again. He eventually moved back in and that's when all the shit hit the fan.


The sexual abuse worsened, getting put on restriction by him, his spying, and his strictness and controlling us was insane. This wasn't going to last long, four people living and sleeping in a one bedroom apartment. We lived there for one year, while I attended 6th grade at Carr Elementary. So off we go, moving again. This time to the ghetto, Hawthorne, CA. I started 7th grade at Yukon Intermediate School and the trouble started from there.

Bitter wife, bitter ex, bitter life!!

First, I will detail the marriage and why I was so miserable in that marriage. I knew that my husband was VERY dysfunctional when I married him, as was I, thus being the reason I married him. He was an alcoholic, a cigarette smoker, a cheater, a liar, very charismatic and had very low self esteem. All the same characteristics as my father. (why of course, let's pick a man just like him) He was very funny and friendly and was liked by all. People seemed to be drawn to him, as was I!! Lewis L. Norris, Jr, our wedding day, January 6th, 1980.

I was 7 months pregnant and really never thought about getting married, but he came to me one day and said, "we're getting married on Jan. 6th!" Part of me wanted to say, "no, we're not," and part of me was excited to get married. Young and stupid on my part. I was 21 yrs old, getting ready to turn 22. I came from a family where I NEVER had a loving father figure, so this meant that I was wanted and loved for once in my life! Kidding, of course, but that's what it felt like. He showered me with kindness and love. That's one thing he was, was very loving to me. He bought me things all the time and gave me compliments. I never had that, in my whole life! So here I thought, maybe I could overlook the drinking and whatever else I didn't like and didn't care for? Hmmm. Wrong!!

As our marriage progressed, we had our daughter, we bought a house, etc, he would do these few things that I hated. He would tell me, "it's boys weekend out, this weekend!" What? What does that mean? Oh, that meant he and his guy friends would go to Vegas or a weekend fishing trip or something similar. That meant that wives/girlfriends weren't invited to go. I hated that, it didn't feel right, but what could I do?

Me and our first daughter, Melissa Nicole, born Feb. 18th, 1980.

He quit drinking a few times during our marriage but always started up again. I remember he hadn't had any alcohol for over a year and came home from fishing one day and told me that he had some beers. I was devastated and didn't believe him, but it was true. After all, he was a raging alcoholic.

As time went on, I didn't realize what his "incidents" were doing to me and my happiness (or my perceived happiness). I  thought you were to just accept the bad with the good, after all, what else did I know? "Till death do us part?" I was raised around a father that was a raging alcoholic and a wife abuser and stepfather that drank, verbally and emotionally abused my mother, my sister and I and was a child molester. Me and my poor sister were sexually molested by our step father, time and time again! Misery is what we looked for in our relationships!

When I look back now, some 34 years later, I see a confused woman that didn't know her marriage was over emotionally and that the bond between husband and wife had been severed. What would cause our marriage to be severed? Well, let me tell you.....I wasn't aware at the time, but now it is clear.

I was at work one day, we both worked together, in the same office at that time. It was at the USPS and we handled mail, at times. I picked the mail up from our office to go "mail" it. Mailing it there at the USPS, meant walking over to a letter case, and putting the mail in the slots they belonged in. When I was placing one letter into the case, I noticed a letter that was already in the case, but VERY familiar hand writing on it. As I took a closer look, it was my husbands writing. WHAT?? It was addressed to a private address and to a woman named Suzy Boujeau (sp?) What?......I took the letter from the case, which I could have gotten fired for, and I opened it and read it. It changed me and my feelings forever. I couldn't see straight, I felt numb and I felt like passing out. I went home sick.

He called me at home and asked where I went. This led to us separating and almost divorcing.

So....back up a few months prior to this incident. His brother Bill and his wife Claudia came out to visit us. While they were here, we took a trip to Lake Tahoe, CA. I worked Mo-Fr and he worked Tu-Sa. So we were gone for the weekend and I had to fly back Sunday night to go to work on Monday morning. He told me that he would be driving home some time during the day on Monday to be back for work on Tuesday. Monday came and went and he never came home. I tried reaching him, to no avail. I felt that it was safe because he was with his brother and sister-in-law. I really didn't give it much thought at all. They finally came home sometime on Tue, with no explanation, except, they wanted to stay a little longer and gamble.

So, this is where Suzy Boujeau lived, up in Truckee, CA about 17 miles from Lake Tahoe!! That is the address that was on the "letter," Truckee, CA. That is why he didn't come home, he was with her! That is why we took a trip to Lake Tahoe, so he could go see her!! This was all a plan. His visit with her is what prompted the "letter" professing his love to her. "Suzy, I want to be with the woman that I truly love!" is what part of the letter said. My heart was broken. It all made sense of why they took an extra day to get home. I didn't know she lived there until I found the "letter!" I want out! NOW!!!

So we separated for awhile, he got his own place in Long Beach, CA. He was supposed to fly up to see her to see if he wanted to be with her. I didn't talk to him the whole weekend that he was supposed to be up there. He called, he said he didn't go and that he decided that he wanted to make it work between us. Oh, the relief I felt!! He chose me and Melissa! Yippee! Surely that proves his love for me and Melissa. After all, he had a chance to go be with Suzy and he didn't!! (She probably wouldn't leave her husband and here, I was thinking he chose me!) Stupid, stupid me. I should have ran as fast as I could at that point, but I didn't.

We had another daughter, Ashley Danielle on July 3rd, 1983. 

Our marriage quickly started to unravel shortly after the birth of Ashley. This is when he started drinking again, after not drinking for a little over a year. I had decided that I didn't want that kind of a life for my daughters. A miserable life of alcohol and cheating. I checked out.

To be cont......another blog, another time.