OPINIONS....are like assholes!!

Do you ever have an opinion but are afraid to voice it, in fear that friends or family will disagree with you? Disagreeing is okay and is expected some times, but often times, it gets emotional and that leads to arguments. Why is it, that some people can't discuss events, beliefs, or opinions without getting so angry? Is it how passionate someone is about the subject matter? Is it a superiority or inferiority complex that some people have?

How to start an argument online.......Post your opinion on either Religion, Abortion or Politics.....and wait!!

There was a woman on Facebook named Carla. We were friends due to the equal love of animals that we shared. Well, it comes to find out, that was the only thing we had in common. She started posting only hateful posts regarding the political party that she did NOT follow. It was constant, several a day, hateful posts, calling names to anyone that didn't have the same belief as her. She was belittling and forceful in her beliefs. If you didn't agree with her opinions, she had venom toward you. I kept quiet and didn't comment on her posts. I remained her friend on FB for quite awhile. Thinking she would never notice me gone, because she had hundreds of friends, I unfriended her.

After about a few months, she sent me a private message that read:

" I'm assuming you defriended me because I'm a conservative?"

OMG!! She noticed!! What now? Do I lie or tell the truth? Crap!

Okay, I decided to tell the truth but be very passive and non-confrontational about it. So this is how my response went! Mind you, this is about 4-5 years ago, when I didn't really associate with either party.

"Hi Carla,

First let me apologize. I didn't even think you would notice I was gone. Oops, I was wrong. :)

I respect that others have their own opinions and feelings. I refrain from posting mine, in a public forum, regarding the dreaded 3 which are, Abortion, Politics and Religion, as not to offend any of my friends. Everyone is so quick to attack over things they are very passionate about. I choose not to attack, but to keep my opinions to myself if I don't agree. (animals are a different story though.) ♥

I'm not a Democrat or a Republican. I can see good and bad in both. I think what happened was there were so many negative posts, one after another and a few in the end that I decided to remove them from my wall. I don't even remember what they were now, but they upset me (and my opinions) and I decided to unfriend you rather than fire back at you with my opinions. I refuse to argue with my acquaintances over 3 subject's that have no right or wrong. They are opinions that differ immensely. Again, I apologize for not being up front, but felt and feel that it may not have been taken in a positive way.

My daughters and I have been working on focusing on everything positive and have for a few years now. It's hard, as I was only brought up around negativity. It really brings me down and I can notice immediately when I say something negative. I post positive thoughts on my wall all the time, so I can share them with others.

On a more positive note, I have been transporting animals more and more and feel so good about it. We definitely have "animals" in common and I thank you for that!! I can tell you are very passionate in everything you do and  there is nothing wrong with that.

I am trying to focus on all of my relatives in Japan and all of those who have died and have lost everything. I am communicating with many over there and trying to offer my assistance in any way that I can. It is just so sad and heartbreaking. =(

You take care!
♥ Paula

So this was, I thought light and friendly and to the point. Do you agree?

Well, from that point on, if I commented on a mutual friends post, she would make comments against me like, "Oh there are people on here that only like you if you think the same as them!" Or worse, "there she is again, the one that unfriends you if she doesn't like what you say."

I think I blocked her from that point on, so she couldn't see when I posted anything. It was so embarrassing and my friends just ignored her ramblings.

These are the types of people that I don't care to be friends with, on Facebook or anywhere else, for that matter. So occasionally, I go on an unfriending spree and rid my Facebook of "these" types of people. Bye, Bye now!!

Toxic, toxic family!

You know when people say "Family is family and no matter what, you should always be there for them?" Or how about "Blood is thicker than water?" Or "You only have one family, forgive and forget?" Well, I beg to differ with them. If your family member is toxic and causes you grief, heartache and drama, I ask, why should anyone have to put up with that?

I had a very hard life, with twists and turns, stuff that was done to me that should never happen to anyone, stuff I've done that I am not proud of, fell down & picked myself up, and kept moving forward. Almost too much to bear and now at this stage of my life, I am not willing to suffer any longer at the hands of others. What happens to me or how I feel now, is all up to me. If I don't like the way I am feeling, I make the changes to feel differently, not anyone else.

A sister, my husband never knew he had!!

My husband received a private message through Facebook, out of the clear blue, from someone he did not know. He has a blog and apparently this "someone" found a picture when she googled her mothers name. She had never met her mother and was adopted at birth. The link associated with the picture took her to my husbands blog. patricktillett.blogspot.com

This was "his" mother, not "her" mother!! Wait, what? This was her mother and his mother? Well, after many emails back and forth with "Christine," they decided to meet to take a DNA test. Coincidence was that they both lived in CA and she only lived about 150 miles away. So off we went one day to meet for lunch. It was a nice meeting and a bitstrange that they were swabbing their mouths with these long q-tip looking swabs and sticking them in tubes to be shipped off for testing, in a restaurant!

After what seemed to be several years, but was really only about a few weeks, the results came back. Over 99% chance that they had the same mother!!! What? Pat is about 13 years older than her and was living with his mother at that age. He doesn't remember her being pregnant! Wait! How could that be? Well, it could be that he was already experimenting with drugs and doesn't remember. That must be it. So here we are, after 61 years of not knowing that he had a sister, here she is.

He has 3 brothers, all from different fathers but same mother, but never a sister!! A baby sister at that. They both served in the Marine Corp!!

They both grew up in Long Beach, CA. There are so many similarities, it's scary!

What a pleasant surprise and we couldn't be happier that we have a relationship with her and love her dearly. You never know what direction a life can take or what surprises lie in wait!! My heart is full!

Setting Healthy Boundaries

I think many of us need to set boundaries, at least once in our lives. I see posts on Facebook that read something like this: "Share if you will always stand by your loved one, no matter what." Or "I will always be by your side. Share if you agree." 

I pretty much tend to disagree with these posts, as no one should feel obligated to stand by someone if that person makes them feel uncomfortable in a relationship (whether it be a spouse, your child, your parents, etc.) or feel abused or unloved, no matter who they are. Blood is not always thicker than water. 

Like any new skill, assertively communicating your boundaries takes practice.  If you need to set a boundary with a friend, co-worker or loved one, start with a small boundary that isn't threatening to you. Slowly increase to more challenging boundaries so, as not to overwhelm yourself with guilt, sadness or fear.

Long, lost sister Susan Kendall McClure Etengoff!!

It was about the year 1980 or 1981 when my father Fred William Kendall came out to California with his then wife, Rita. My first husband and I lived with our 1 year old daughter, on Palo Verde Ave. in Lakewood, CA.

I think this picture was around the time that he came to visit and we started looking for my younger sister, Susan.


During one of our conversations, the topic of Susan came up. She was the daughter of my fathers' 2nd wife. To see how this came about visit ( How many siblings do I have???) We talked about when the last time he saw her was, what had happened, and where she was at this point. He hadn't seen or heard anything about her since about 1964?

She is the little blonde in the front. Susan Kendall was her name then. This was in Jan 1963 and was right around the time that I last saw her.

After my father cheated on Carol (Susan's mother, the first lady on the left), she divorced him and moved away. Her last known address was in Cypress CA, living with her mother. My father knew the address but wasn't allowed to see Susan. Soon, the house was sold and the whole family moved away to AZ. No forwarding address, no information and all letters that my father wrote, were returned undeliverable. He did know that her new last name had been changed to McClure.

So as we talked more about her, the more we wanted to find her. We had always wanted to find her, but were at a loss and didn't know how to go about it. We decided to take a drive to the old house, that was her last known address in Cypress, just to take a look. He wasn't even sure which house it was but knew the general area, on the street.

As we drove slowly down the street, trying to figure out which house it was, there was a man out in his front yard, watering his lawn. We approached him and asked if he had lived there long and that we were looking for someone that had lived there some 20 years or so, ago. He had lived there since the track was new!! We asked him if he remembered a family that lived on that street, that had a daughter and a little girl that moved in with them. Surprisingly, he remembered Carol and Susan and remembered that they moved to Scottsdale, AZ? I don't remember now, if that was the correct town, as that was 34 years ago.

So, we returned home with a little more information than we had when we left. I called information in Scottsdale, AZ and asked for McClure's phone number. I was told there were 5 or 6 of them. So I explained our situation and what we wanted to accomplish. She surprisingly gave them all to me. I began to call the numbers, one by one, but they were the wrong number, until........the last number.

I asked for Carol. The lady that answered the phone said that she wasn't there at that moment. WHAT?!?!?!  Oh my goodness! I don't remember the conversation that took place but found out that Susan had married and moved to Vancouver WA. I was given her number. We were all in shock! Did we finally find her after all these years?

There we sat, all nervous and anxious, what would we say to her when we called? Well, I called and we were all in shock that it was really her. We talked a bit about our lives and where we lived and what professions we were in. She told me that all the pictures she had of our dad were taken from her and destroyed by her mother, Carol. She remembered that he was tall and had dark hair and that he was handsome. She had faint memories of him. Then she asked me, "Do you know where dad is?" I gulped and said, "yes Susan, he's sitting right here next to me!" We all started crying, everyone in the house, including my mom!! He got on the phone and they talked, for what seemed like forever.

It was a happy ending that we found her before our dad passed away. They exchanged pictures and he got to see his grandchildren from her. It was bitter sweet because although they found each other, they never did get to see each other in person.

I was able to meet her in person, years later. This is me on the left and Susan on the right.


As for my other two younger sisters, we have yet to find them and he hadn't seen them since they were little kids. He passed away in May 1992. I am still on the hunt for them, Theresa Kendall and Tammy Kendall were their last known names. Maybe Teresa Kendall and Tamara Kendall and their last known address was somewhere in the state of Indiana. I hope to find them someday also.

A Broken Household!

It was the beginning of 1969, when I changed schools again for the second time, in less than two years. It was the middle of 5th grade and now I was attending Crenshaw Elementary School in Torrance. I finished out the 5th grade at that new school. I made new friends and had a very best friend named Lori Thurber. She lived on our street and we spent the night at each others house all the time.

During the summer following 5th grade, something was different and weird in our house. My mom and Ben were not talking to each other and he wasn't there much. He stayed out late and maybe never came home at night or until early morning. When she would cook dinner and serve it to him, without saying a word, he would get up and dump all the food into the trash can. She wouldn't say a word to him. I had no idea what was going on, but it was scary and weird.

Before I knew it, we were moving again, after living there for only about 7 months!! This time with only me, my sister and mom! We moved about 1-2 miles away, still in Torrance, but on 170th street, directly across from Carr Elementary School. This is where I began the 6th grade. We were happy in our new apartment, even though it was only a one bedroom. The room was big enough to fit a full size bed for my mom and two twin beds for me and my sister. No more walking on eggshells, no more arguing, no more sexual molestation by Ben, we were doing good. I was adjusting to my school and meeting new friends, once again. My sister was attending North High school (9th grade) and everything was going smoothly, until we started seeing Ben again. He eventually moved back in and that's when all the shit hit the fan.


The sexual abuse worsened, getting put on restriction by him, his spying, and his strictness and controlling us was insane. This wasn't going to last long, four people living and sleeping in a one bedroom apartment. We lived there for one year, while I attended 6th grade at Carr Elementary. So off we go, moving again. This time to the ghetto, Hawthorne, CA. I started 7th grade at Yukon Intermediate School and the trouble started from there.

Watts Riot, Los Angeles, CA 1965

In August 1965, we lived at 614 W. 79th St. in Los Angeles, CA. It was a house that we bought for cheap and it needed to be totally remodeled. Our step dad, Ben Kirkland took many years remodeling it from top to bottom, back to front. It was a nice house with a smaller house in the back. We rented out the house in the back to a couple named Tony and Dora.

Here is the outside of our house and pretty close to just before we moved.

I remember my mom working on the weekends and me and my sister always being watched by our step dad, Ben. On this particular weekend, we were going to the horse races at Del Mar race track, located in the town of Del Mar, CA about 20 miles north of the city of San Diego, CA. I also remember the whole drive there, which was about a 100 mile drive, there were military vehicles driving north, while we were driving south. We never thought anything of it, my sister and I, but that doesn't mean that our step dad wasn't thinking about it.

After arriving home that evening, I remember us pulling into the driveway and Ben saying to us, "now, I'm going to go unlock the front door and when I wave to you, both of you get out of the car as fast as you can and run up to the house." HUH? Why? I was only 7 years old and had no idea what that meant, I just know that I was scared as heck.

As soon as my mom got home from work, we packed clothes into the car and left. We went and stayed with some very close family friends, named Alma and Syd. They lived in Los Angeles but a different part of L.A. that wasn't involved in the Watts Riot. Ben had to go back to the house to board up the windows so nothing would happen to our house. He also had to go to work everyday and Syd would drive with him and when they were stopped by rioters, Syd would tell them it was okay, that he was a brother. This was the only way our step dad could go to work.

I remember having to drive through the area of the riot and there were military personnel standing on all the corners with their rifles. When we came to a corner, one motioned for us to open our window. When we rolled our window down, he said to "turn right or get shot!" Holy cow, was I scared shitless!! Needless to say, he probably wouldn't have shot us, but I thought he would, because that's what he said.

After the riots subsided, we were able to move back home, but nothing was ever the same. I remember living there for a few more years. In 1967, I moved from Manchester Ave. school to First Brethren School, located in Inglewood, for 4th and half of 5th grade. I suppose it was due to me and my sister getting picked on all the time.

I believe this was my 4th and 5th grade picture, while I was attending First Brethren.


At the end of 1968 or beginning of 1969, we moved to Torrance, to Delia Ave. We lost everything that was ever put into that house. We sold it for practically nothing. From that point on, we never owned another house.